My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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