I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
