It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
