i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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