If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
