So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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