I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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