Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize