all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
