sorry about calling you the devil all night.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
