Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
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I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
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I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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