the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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