There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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