My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
