oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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