and she was petting her beer can
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just invented taco cereal.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i out mim tonsoeep
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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