Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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