Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
