between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
