I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
