if i died would you start the facebook group?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
