It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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