I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
