I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
