From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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