just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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