I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
