Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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