Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
