i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
