Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
worst night to have a conscience
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
