I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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