saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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