Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
