Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
