Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
