You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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