eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
