Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
