He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
