Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
