i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
