brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
And then my night got REAL pukey
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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