You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
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There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
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This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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