It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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