You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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