drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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