Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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