May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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