That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
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my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize