i wish there were pregnant emoticons
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
