Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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