I faked an abortion last night.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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