I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
