I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
