where does the pee come out of this thing
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
