There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
