I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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