Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
