Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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