her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
