Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
