speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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