Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
