So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
