I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
