blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize