That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
