I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I fill condoms, not promises.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Randomize
